Leaving

As I'm buying the first sets of plane tickets, I'm struggling with my emotions.

A seemingly simple question is making me rethink again how wise was my decision:

- Will I be living in Zurich and coming home on the weekends, or will I be living in Lisbon and going to work in Zurich during the week?

Slowly, the question stops being about buying return tickets, and becomes an in-depth analysis of my choices:

- Why am I doing this?
- What is waiting for me on the other side?
- Will I succeed?
- How will this change me?
- How will this change my family?
- Will I ever regret it?
- Is this really a good idea?

While pondering, I try to find the answers in my children's reactions:

The younger is excited with the prospect of change. At 7 years old, he seems either very unconscious or very brave (probably both). For him, we should all go and try it out - to hell the consequences. Having two houses, living in a different country, seeing different things - what an adventure! What's there to lose?

At 9, the older one is afraid of the change - and especially the uncertainty.
Are we all going? When? What are we going to meet? What language will we be talking? What will happen to friends? How is school there? How are people?
She seems to have more to lose (or be more conscious about it).


Since they don't seem to be helping me with my questions, I turn to my wife. She always seems to know better...

She is not sure if she wants all the family to go, but she is pretty sure this is too good of an opportunity for me to waste. If it doesn't work... I can always come back. She will be taking care of things in Portugal. For her, the decision is very simple.

Her certainty about the topic, her willingness and capability to take care of the family while I'm not home gives me the insurance I need to realize that this is a controlled risk and that I can focus on what's coming, instead of worrying (too much) about what I'm leaving behind. I decide to buy return tickets from Zurich.


Looking back to this time almost two years later, there are a few answers that are now clear to me - others are more complicated. It has certainly been worth it, and it has changed me deeply - to prove it, the change in language in which I write my experiences here.

Nowadays I don't have to be afraid about not knowing where is "home" - that has been the main lesson from this adventure. And I now know the right answer to the logistic problem: buy one way tickets - it makes it simpler and cheaper to change plan(e)s at the last minute.